I’m a Tradwife

It turns out I’m a “tradwife.”

Yeah, I know—“Kinda hard to be a tradwife, El Jefe, when you’re not a wife!”

Point taken.

But hear me out…

I was driving the kid to school last week and, as I regularly do, I was listening to a National Public Radio podcast to while away the moments in Lisbon’s morning traffic. And on comes this fascinating story about the online world of “momfluencers” on social media, and the trend these days of women, typically Millennials and older Gen Zs, reverting to traditional wife, or tradwife, roles.

Not that any of that matters much to the wheelhouse within which Field Notes spins. Only… it kinda does, in one specific way. And that’s our topic for today.

See, tradwives, despite the imagery they push of mid-century-modern American normalcy, are unicorns. They’re selling a beautiful lie—all dolled up in an A-line dress, perfectly styled hair, and serving up a plate of homemade cookies on a flawlessly staged island in an exquisite kitchen.

A life the vast majority of American women will never see.

Which brings me to me.

I realized while listening to that podcast that I am a tradwife in that I am an influencer (to a degree) pitching a life that is out of reach to a lot of people, or at least seemingly so.

Here I am, an American working from home, in a lovely apartment in the heart of Lisbon, Portugal, shopping local farmers’ markets for my daily produce and bread, taking my weekends at picturesque beaches along the Portuguese Riviera, and jetting off to family vacations in Greece or Morocco or Thailand.

As any of the bazillions of tradwives would coo in their latest TikTok installment, “I have a blessed life.”

And one of the unspoken assumptions that goes into this life I write about here in Field Notes or in my writings for International Living is that “with but a few tiny tweaks, you too, dear reader, can step into this life as well…”

Basically, I hawk catnip for those whose mind and soul wander off to distant lands to fantasize about a life so desired, and yet unlived.

For some people, I do truly understand that my life is out of reach for any number of reasons: job, family, health, finances. No different, really, than a single mom or a middle-class wife having to shelve the tradwife dream because someone has to help put soup on a table that is decidedly not flawlessly staged.

For others, however, my life is not as out-of-reach as it might seem.

When I first pursued a life of living and working abroad, I was definitely some version of a unicorn. When I first landed in Prague in 2018, the term “digital nomad” wasn’t even in the lexicon. At that time, no such animal known as a digital nomad visa existed. I saw a very limited number of Americans in the places I’d spend my mornings or afternoons writing over local food and drink.

The pandemic changed everything. The work-from-anywhere trend exploded.

These days, I’m not a unicorn so much as I am just another pony at the petting zoo.

And that’s a good thing.

It says that this life I have is actually pretty easily attained now by anyone with the gumption to grab it.

Today, at least 66 countries offer some form of a digital nomad visa. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 offer retirement visas, or visas for “persons of independent means.” And don’t let that term scare you.

Yes, independent means does imply someone with money. But here in Portugal, a so-called D7 visa aimed at retirees who want to decamp for a seaside, Iberian life requires proving you have a minimum income of just €820 per month. At current exchange rates, that’s less than $870 in monthly income.

For most US retirees, a Social Security check more than covers that requirement. Meaning that even if your retirement nest egg is more fluff than feathers, you still have enough to qualify for a life abroad.

I could say something similar for lots of places in the world that I’ve visited and which I would recommend as comfortable places where an adventurous American could pursue a life overseas relatively easily and affordably: Greece, Montenegro, Italy, Czech Republic, Romania, Uruguay, Colombia, Mexico, Thailand, Malaysia… too many to list, really.

My point is simply that, yes, I am something of a tradwife who’s selling a dream that many people will see as a beautiful lie because they don’t have the means to pursue it. And I get that.

But I am also just a normal American who grew tired of the life he was living in an America pulling itself apart at the seams. I pursued this life because I wanted out. I wanted something different. Something less stressful. More adventurous. Something that engaged me and made me excited to see what each new day might bring.

And something much more affordable than my overpriced life in America was costing me.

What I can assure you after all these years of living and working abroad is that the dream isn’t unrealistic. It’s not a lie. It’s right there within reach—a box of cereal on a supermarket shelf. Granted, it can take a little extra effort to grasp it—but the rewards are worth it. Let’s say it’s more of a high-end granola from Whole Foods rather than a bag of Target’s Good & Gather store-brand granola.

But it absolutely is within reach.

If you reach for it.